Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man by Sally B. Watkins

Author:Sally B. Watkins
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
ISBN: 9781440513312
Publisher: Adams Media, Inc.
Published: 2009-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 8

RELATIONSHIP’S

BIGGER PRIZE

Your relationship provides you with the best way to know yourself, to see the places where you need to change and grow, and to gain the maturity to manage the frustrations and conflicts that are a normal part of life. Too many women assume that their man is the problem in the relationship and getting him to change or moving on to another better model will correct the unhappiness they are experiencing. Those of you who bailed on a relationship only to see the same difficulty reappear in a slightly different version will understand that it’s necessary to look within for some answers.

Frequently, what women originally see as a man’s strength later becomes a source of annoyance, and what they’re actually demanding from him is not a behavior change, but a complete personality transplant. By exploring other options for understanding and acceptance, you can create more peace for yourself and for your relationship. You can lead by example and demonstrate a non-defensive posture, honor your partner’s limitations, and strengthen your own character in the process.

TRY

THIS

Consider Your Options

1 Is it possible for me to be okay with the situation and my partner if nothing changes?

2 Am I making more of this than I need to?

3 Do I have choices that I’m not seeing or exercising?

4 Are there deeper, unresolved issues of mine that I could explore?

5 What other solutions are there to this problem besides him changing?

The Relationship Tour

Okay, your desire for a relationship was self-serving. You wanted to be loved, cherished, adored, taken care of, appreciated, and valued. You wanted to be together with someone in bliss and ecstasy. You definitely didn’t sign on for the lifelong frustration a committed relationship can bring. Living intimately with another person is like living in a house of mirrors. If you pay attention you have an amazing opportunity to learn so much about yourself— more even than seeing a therapist—and it’s free. There can be repressed feelings and needs, old wounding, and resentments, not to mention almost daily button-pushing episodes. If you see these upsets and problems as proof of your partner’s deficiencies, you will only be building your case to leave. In every area of your life, frustration has been your teacher—so why not now? You learned how to tie your shoes that way, how to master the intricacies of the computer, how to dance the tango, snowboard, or play tennis. Use your frustration to look at your relationship. What a revelation that can be for those brave enough to take a look especially if you’re angry, upset, despairing, depressed, and waking up at night plotting revenge on your man. It can be humbling to take responsibility for your contribution to the problem and see where you need to change. Any time you’re unable to resolve a problem using a simple request or an honest expression of feeling, you need to consider a different road.

Growth Opportunities Await You

Seeing the potential for growth that your partner presents for you is one of the greater purposes you can find in a frustrating or challenging relationship.

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